Meet Gregg.

Ah, my older brother. What is there to say about him?

Well, he somehow manages to be the most endearing yet most irritating person alive, all at the same time. The guy sleeps through everything, loves nothing more than an uncomfortable joke, and really enjoys talking to the least advisable people about the most inappropriate things possible. He's unsanitary and doesn't get haircuts often enough.

But he still somehow manages to have everyone on his side and is like a cult hit with people. Seriously, his friends treat him like I treat watching The Warriors. People have a sick obsession with Gregg and his sense of humor that I don't advocate, understand, or participate in. I watch people talk to and about Gregg, and I often find myself wondering, "Don't these people realize how being friends with Gregg means you will never get anywhere at the time you planned, and when you get there, you'll be far more uncomfortable than you wanted to be?"

The best thing about Gregg is that I have been mining him for comedic material for over two decades. My greatest success as a comedian has come from stealing material Gregg has introduced into my life. Either by mining the awkwardness he creates in comedy scenes, or by outright stealing ideas he has had and watering them down so they are palatable to people who are not the six dudes we grew up with and still talk to, or nine drunks from Philadelphia he knows.

So there are some bad things and some good things about Gregg. I am kind of ambiguous about a lot of things about him, sometimes I think his whole persona is great and hilarious, and sometimes I want to smash his face with a stick until his brains are all over the floor.