Wednesday, January 24, 2007

5 Things You Don't Know About Chris

Rosemary Stevens is a NYC-area comic type who also grew up going to low-budget punk shows in New Jersey. She has "tagged" me and my brother for us to reveal 5 things about each other that the general public does not know. I will gladly tell the world five things about my brother that the world probably does not know.

1. Chris Gethard was pretty good at basketball.
We grew up in an Irish-Catholic jock dickhead neighborhood, where basketball was king. Most of the kids from our neighborhood went to Seton Hall Prep, which usually contends for the state basketball championship and has even produced a few NBA players, most notably Brevin Knight, who was an All-American at Stanford and is now a NBA journeyman.

On the playground, Chris wasn't so good. This was because he was significantly younger and a lot smaller than the kids we balled with. But if you've every read my brother's entries about his training in Brazilian jiu-jitsu or have dealt with him, you know the dude has some major pathological rage issues, possibly related to being smaller than the kids we hung out with.

When Chris played in leagues against kids his own age, he more than held his own on the basketball courts of the prestigious Mountain Top League. He was a steady point guard, capable of hitting an outside shot and also had a nasty head fake. In one game, Chris made a last-second shot to tie the game against Jeremy Slazack, one of his friends/rivals on the court. Chris' steady leadership then helped secure victory in overtime. I was a little bit dissapointed that he didn't try out for the freshman basketball team.

2. Chris played cello.
And well! I think he started playing in 1st grade. Maybe later. But he was in all the various orchestra and band stuff. I'm guessing he was good at that, too.

3. Chris peaked his junior year of high school.
On top of being involved in all kinds of acting type stuff, Chris was the president of our school's chapter of the Junior Statesmen of America, which was a fancy way of saying "debate club." This position was probably the most elite, powerful position one could have in the after-school life of West Orange High School. In addition, Chris was the editor-in-chief (or close to it, I forget exactly) of the high school newspaper. But it was all for naught -- personality conflicts with both faculty advisors caused him to lose these positions headed into his senior year. Chris' brief trappings of power were soon gone, and it was back to a life of nerdish mediocrity.

4. Chris had a letter published in the back of an X-Factor comic book.
I forget the exact name and title, but it's true. Chris being a comics geek probably shocks no one. But Chris writing a letter to express his emotions after the death of Jamie "Multiple Man" Madrox probably does.

5. Chris once was a professional wrestling manager.
Professional wrestling has been a big part of the lives of the Gethard Brothers since our childhood. It has long been a dream of ours to become "heel" managers like Bobby "The Brain" Heenan or the infamous James J. Dillon. Chris managed to live out his dream at a wrestling show held at Seton Hall University, which resulted in him botching his cue to interfere in a match. Post-match, he nearly killed wrestling legend King Kong Bundy after he was Irish whipped into a table.

1 comment:

John said...

Gethard blogs are in my "bored at work" web rotation. I'm extra bored today, so ill add a few entertaining details on the wrestling story.

Chris initially came out, complete with top hat and cane. He taunted the audience, doing a good job of inciting the crowd; culminating in a face to face taunt of a middle-aged man and his 12 year old daughter, yelling "Dont make me smack you in front of your daughter."

A point came in the match where he was to jump into the ring and deliver a "cane shot" to his wrestler's opponent. Chris jumped in and proceeded to barely touch him with it, which brought on a sea of "boo's" from the crowd, gregg being probably the loudest. Chris jumped out of the ring and was attacked by close to 15 children all under the age of 7. They stole his top-hat, and were doing a pretty good job of roughing him up a bit. It was much like the Seinfeld episode where Kramer gets attacked in an ally by a group of taekwondo kids.

He tried to run, but had a difficult time escaping, due to the fact that all of his attackers weren't much taller than his waist, limiting leg mobility. He spotted the curtained exit and busted through the line as if he were Jerome Bettis. He bolted through the curtain slamming into a very large and heavy, yet unstable divider wall. The wall fell but was caught by a bunch of other wrestlers before it flattened two fellow competitors.

One of them was King Kong Bundy; the wrestler who once destroyed a midget in the squared circle. The other was a wrestler named Skull Von Crush, an ex-ecw wrestler who's gimmick was of a neo-nazi and probably not far off from his actual persona.

King Kong Bundy, was in the main event of this disaster. It ended when he was bodyslammed in the ring, which incidently shook the entire building so much that the fire alarms went off. This obviously emptied the building which gave Chris his getaway... from the aforementioned neo-nazi pro wrestler.